The Weekend Five: Unhealthy Relationships on Television

As busy as I may be throughout the semester, I happen to be an avid TV viewer. I’m not ashamed of my silly television habits, and many readers will note that I love to discuss some of the fictional (and non-fictional!) characters in relation to my beliefs about dating, ambition and more. Today’s blog focuses on the less healthy relationships that have been recently portrayed on television, some of which are fan favorites, and my thoughts on each pairing. Enjoy!

The Weekend Five: Unhealthy Relationships on Television

1. Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.
Don’t get me wrong… I used to love this couple (when I was seventeen). When the show first planted the idea of Blair, the scheming Queen B of the Upper East Side, and Chuck, the wealthy and womanizing bad boy, a part of me thought that the pairing was just crazy enough to work out. I enjoyed watching as their relationship developed, with both characters struggling to admit their true feelings for one another, but after the second season or so, things took a turn for the crazy. Chuck traded Blair for a hotel, hooked up with a character’s younger sister on the night he planned to propose, and even became physically abusive to Blair, who ultimately married and divorced a Monaguesque prince. A relationship this rocky is not worth the time or heartache; in fact, both characters thrive when they aren’t together. Personally, I believe that Chuck needs to go through a ton of rehab, and that Blair is much better off with Dan Humphrey, her best friend and intellectual equal. (As a couple, Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodsen are a close second for unhealthy couples!)

2. Ryan Howard and Kelly Kapoor from The Office.This couple was hilarious to watch throughout the show’s run, but definitely not a “healthy” relationship. Kelly herself was one of my favorite characters while she was still on the show, probably because of her knack for the dramatic (ie: faking pregnancy or swallowing a tapeworm to lose weight), and Ryan’s pretentious behavior was enough to make you love to hate him. While Kelly constantly latched on to Ryan, Ryan only showed enough interest to keep her around. In fact, when Kelly moves to Miami, Ohio, with her new pediatrician boyfriend, Ryan moves there as well (seemingly to get her back). In real life, this kind of relationship would be troublesome, but on the small screen, Kelly and Ryan are one of the most entertaining unhealthy couples to watch.

3. Belle and Rumplestiltskin from Once Upon a Time.
Okay, let me start out by saying that I really am pulling for these two to end up together. I think Belle is exactly what Mr. Gold/Rumplestiltskin needs to stay grounded and not let his powers overcome him. However, in its current state, the relationship could arguably use some improving. While Belle remains supportive of Rumplestiltskin and committed to making him a better man, Rumplestiltskin struggles to put his love for her in front of everything else. Once he finally changes for the better and isn’t so obsessed with making deals with every single fairy tale character who ever existed, I believe that he and Belle will make a great couple.

4. President Fitzgerald Grant and Olivia Pope from Scandal.
Olivia Pope, the former communications director for the White House, has an affair with Fitzgerald Grant during his presidential campaign and long afterward. Although the President is married to someone else and expecting his third or fourth child, he just can’t quit Olivia. The two are so drawn to each other (although, to this day, I’m unclear on why) that every scene between them is extremely emotional and intense. Every time Olivia tries to break things off, Fitz does something crazy to win her back – for example, having his Secret Service men kidnap Liv in the woods so the two of them can have some alone time. His need to be with Olivia borders on controlling, and the fact that their relationship must be kept secret is enough to make it unhealthy. (Don’t forget – his wife is pregnant!)

5. Victoria Henley and her mother from Cycle 19 of America’s Next Top Model.
As a huge fan of Top Model, I couldn’t let this one slip by! Victoria is a homeschooled girl who now attends online college, and she has never really been apart from her mother. Immediately in the season, she talks about her devotion to her mother, as well as the idea that she never wants to pursue a romantic relationship with a guy in the foreseeable future because her relationship with her mother is fulfilling enough. Now, I love my Mom and talk to her about nearly everything, but Victoria takes it to a whole new level, crying out “Momma!” and bursting into tears every time she rings up her mother on the phone. This attachment is a little scary, considering this girl is getting into her twenties and hasn’t formed a relationship of any kind with anyone else.

What TV relationships do you think are the most unhealthy?

The Weekend Five: Blasphemy Day Edition

September 30th is Blasphemy Day, a day in which people are encouraged to speak openly against religion. Of course, I don’t like to bring political or religious issues to my blog in respect to my lovely and diverse readers, but in honor of the so-called holiday, today’s Weekend Five will focus on some of my less popular opinions and interests as they relate to pop culture. (See, it’s loosely related to the idea of blasphemy!)

This post isn’t meant to offend or cause arguments, but rather to share with readers! Feel free to post a comment with your own words of blasphemy.

The Weekend Five: Blasphemy Day Edition

1. I’m not a fan of The Beatles.
I say this with the slight fear that all of my friends will read this and subsequently disown me. The Beatles made a huge splash in music, and the band has a strong following to this day, but I just can’t get into it. While I like a few of their songs (namely Here Comes The Sun and I Wanna Hold Your Hand), the rest of their work is just background for me. I appreciate the impact they had on our culture — and I couldn’t resist snapping an Abbey Road-style photo with friends while in London — but I will probably never choose to listen to several of their songs in one sitting.

*

2. I have no interest in video games.
I should preface this by mentioning that at least half of my friends in college are engineering majors and that video games are very important to them. Of course, this makes it slightly awkward when I casually mention that I’ve played Halo maybe once (and had no idea what was going on). Growing up, I was never allowed to have video games, so my only gaming experience consisted of Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo-64 or in the waiting room at my dentist. Because of that, I never really developed an interest when I was older, and now when people are playing it in social situations, I usually find myself staring at my phone instead.

*

3. Squidward is my favorite character in Bikini Bottom.
I will never forget my (now ex) boyfriend’s reaction when I told him that Squidward was my favorite — “I can’t believe I’m dating a Squidward sympathizer!” I haven’t seen an episode of the Nickelodeon show in a long time, but Spongebob himself always made me extremely uncomfortable because of the chaos that followed him. I always pitied Squidward for having such inconsiderate neighbors. Sure, he’s a bit of a grouch, but can’t he just play his clarinet in peace? I would be grumpy too if a sponge with bad teeth and a barely functional starfish were constantly at my door, throwing me into situations I didn’t want to be part of.

*

4. I think Nicholas Sparks’ work is overrated.
As much as I cried reading A Walk to Remember and watching the film adaptation of The Notebook, I’m just not a huge fan of his other work. Not only did I not enjoy the novel version of The Notebook (le gasp!), but I find the love stories in most of them to be too melodramatic and maybe even formulaic for my taste. I’ll admit that I love romantic comedies as much as the next girl, but I have trouble thoroughly enjoying a book that uses the term “making love” more than once in the same paragraph.

*

5. I liked the newer Star Wars trilogy.
I’m not going to get too specific about my Star Wars history, but in spite of everything that every real Star Wars fan has ever said, I will admit these three things:

a) I liked the new movies.

b) I think C3PO is charming and adorable, even though most people I talk to seem to dislike him.

c) I don’t care what they say about George Lucas not being able to write a love story — I enjoyed the love story of Anakin and Padme (even though she seems a lot older than he is). Maybe this has something to do with the fact that Hayden Christensen is extremely attractive, but I’m sticking to my opinions and don’t feel the need to defend them.

What are some of your unpopular opinions or likes/dislikes that you would like to share? (No political or religious posts, please!)

The Weekend Five: Brutally Honest Reality TV Shows

As I’ve mentioned in several of my previous posts, reality television is my guilty pleasure. Although I love high-brow entertainment as much as the next college-educated girl, I can’t help but become engrossed in some of the more ridiculous shows that have graced our pop culture, as well. Because of this, today’s Weekend Five will focus on some of the shows that don’t technically exist but should. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below!

The Weekend Five: Brutally Honest Reality TV Shows

1. Self-Entitled Rich Girls Trying To Take Themselves Seriously.
This show would feature a fashionable heiress just trying to make her way in the world by starting her own clothing line. With a football-player boyfriend and a miniature dog she can carry in her purse, the heiress spends her free time shopping, drinking coffee and complaining to her friends about how her boyfriend still hasn’t proposed. The show’s real breakout star, however, is her gay best friend whose snarky responses are the main reason to keep watching.

*

2. True Life: I Was Irrelevant Two Seasons Ago.
This is the show that keeps on giving. The stars? Oh, just a group of seven or eight familiar but useless reality TV personalities who stopped being interesting a long time ago. Why do they still have a show? I guess someone is still around to watch it.

*

3. Living Vicariously Through My Five-Year-Old Daughter.
Each episode features a mother with a “talented” five-year-old who excels in some area, mostly because of her mother’s pushing. The moms are a colorful group of competitive, washed out individuals who claim to be the authority on their daughters’ areas of interest (pageants, dance, cheerleading, you name it!). Watch as the moms get into catfights and exploit their children for money. Warning: do not look at this show as a how-to guide for parenting.

*

4. Moral Degradation and the Rise of the Snooki.
This documentary series explores the downfall of 21st century society and its inundation of fist pumps, big hair and gratuitous partying. Narrated by Morgan Freeman.

*

5. I Didn’t Know I Was a Pregnant Teenage Hoarder.
Experience the drama that ensues when a teenager learns that not only has her collecting become a serious problem, but she also happens to be pregnant! Watch as she goes through therapy, raises a child without the help of the father (Kevin Federline) and graces the covers of Us Weekly.

*

What brutally honest reality television shows would you like to see?

The Weekend Five: Lessons Learned From Teen Soap Operas

As my not-so-crazy teen years progressed, so too did my love for crazy teen soap operas. Although a few of my friends categorized our favorite TV shows as dramas, deep down we all knew what we were watching: watered down, modernized versions of the stereotypical soap operas that we made fun of the older generation for watching.

Nowadays, these shows provide more for me than mere nostalgic entertainment; rather, each far-fetched plotline has something new to teach us. This week, we will uncover the deeper meanings behind some of these shows, and learn more about the true lessons that teen soap operas have to offer.

The Weekend Five: Lessons Learned From Teen Soap Operas

1. When you go to a benefit dinner, school dance or any other event that requires formal attire, you are asking for trouble.
Forget the fact that these fancy events seem to take place every week in your town, or the fact that your classmates all own enough evening wear to avoid repeating an outfit. In teen soap operas, whether you’ve gone to cotillion or a save-the-dodo-birds dinner, something bad is bound to happen. Maybe Tori Spelling will get totally sloshed at the prom, or perhaps two grown men will get into a fistfight over a financial dispute. Either way, it is best to avoid these events — it seems all drama will come to a head here.

*

2. It is important for every combination of two people in your group of friends to date.
Remember that time when you were in high school and you thought that you and a certain lacrosse star boyfriend would get married? Meanwhile, your best friend dated a loner from the wrong side of town. One day, you fell in love with the lacrosse star’s completely immoral best friend, until he sold you for a hotel, and then you decided to date the aforementioned loner. Your best friend tried a relationship with the lacrosse star when things with the loner didn’t work out, but now her half-sister has gotten to him. Sound familiar? It happened on Gossip Girl, of course, but these dating patterns don’t end here! By this logic, you should take a page out of Blair and Serena’s handbook and date everyone you know.

*

3. Every school assignment you ever receive will have something to do with a major theme in your life.
Whether your teacher pairs you up with someone you wouldn’t normally work with, or the book you’ve been reading for class utilizes some kind of symbolism that unlocks a clue to the murder you’re trying to solve, school is important. After all, it wouldn’t get so much airtime if it wasn’t!

*

4. There are a lot of awkward ways to respond to an “I love you,” and chances are, you will use at least one of them.
The most common offender is a simple “Thank you,” to which your friends will later laugh and quip, “At least you were polite.” You can also opt not to say anything at all, or you could find an equally awkward way to reply. Teen soap operas teach us that we are all very likely to stick our feet in our mouth when it matters the most, but that we will also fix our situations with a grand gesture within a few days, and all will be right in the world again.

*

5. The most meaningful moments of your life should be scored with a delicate balance of indie and pop music.
One would think that the songs on the radio are the most important songs to play on a teen soap opera, but that isn’t always the case. Teens love listening to obscure bands they can brag about later on, so inserting songs by more mainstream-indie groups such as Death Cab for Cutie and Keane allows for a much better transition to ultimate hipsterdom. The next time you’re about to experience a first kiss, I dare you to turn on Somewhere Only We Know. The moment will instantly become more meaningful, and you will become slightly edgier.

*

What have you learned from your favorite teen soaps?

Putting Faith in Walls: A Lesson in Strength and Vulnerability

“You know the difference between strength and imperviousness, right? Well, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn’t need to be strong. When you and I met, I was an impervious substance. Now I’m a strong substance.” – Bones

*

Whether or not we choose to admit it, every single one of us has put up a metaphorical wall at one point or another. When we separate ourselves from difficult situations and keep others at arm’s length, we use these “walls” to protect ourselves from the world around us. By not allowing anything to hurt us, we are (as Dr. Brennan of Bones might suggest) impervious to damage.

With the threat of possible failure in mind, a lot of people choose to never step out of their comfort zones or try new things. After all, why would anyone logically want to enter a relationship if they were aware of the risk of heartbreak that comes with it? Likewise, why apply for the job you want without a 100 percent guarantee that you will get it?

All too often, we believe that by avoiding any possible situation that could lead to disappointment, we are doing ourselves a favor — in essence, we think that we are “maintaining our strength.” Little do we realize, however, that being strong does not mean lacking vulnerability. Our strength lies in the unexpected disappointments, the harsh rejections, the complicated and messy breakups, and the way we handle them all. We become strong when we cope with the challenges that life presents us, usually when we open ourselves up and accept that we cannot control the outcome of every situation.

As Ray Lamontagne sings in his song Be Here Now, ”Don’t put your trust in walls ’cause walls will only crush you when they fall.” To me, this means that the walls you put up now will not protect you forever. Eventually, we will all struggle with something, but if we have never truly opened ourselves up to failure before, we haven’t already built up that strength that allows us to overcome our circumstances. In this case, without our impervious shells, we are unable to fend for ourselves.

It is easy for us to put our trust in walls and distance ourselves from the world. However, my dear readers, this week I would like to challenge you to take a small leap of faith in just one area of your life. Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below!

The Friday Five: Television’s Most Notorious Villains

All our lives, we have heard stories of good versus evil — not just in our childhood books of fairy tales and our adolescent superhero comic books, but also in our contemporary literature, our favorite films and of course our must-watch television shows. This week, we will explore the darker side of some of today’s hit TV series and the villains who wreak havoc for our beloved heroes.

The Friday Five: Television’s Most Notorious Villains

1. The Evil Queen/Regina from Once Upon A Time.
Pictured left, the Evil Queen is the epitome of villainous. On this thrilling fairy tale TV show, in which all of our beloved (and not so beloved) fairy tale characters have been transferred into our world and have forgotten their former lives, the Evil Queen (known in our world as Mayor Regina Mills) does everything she can to manipulate others and maintain power. As the Queen, tricks a lovesick genie into assassinating her husband, takes advantage of a “heartless” huntsman, and kills her own father in order to curse the entire Enchanted Forest. Meanwhile, as her real world counterpart Regina, she schemes against those who pose a threat to her title, meddles in the relationships of the various characters, and uses magic to murder the town Sheriff (who rejected her in favor of her arch-nemesis, Emma Swan).

*

2. James Woods from Family Guy.
Note: I am not talking about the actor, James Woods, but rather the character he voices on TV. Although Quahog, the town in which Family Guy takes place, has named quite a few of its landmarks after him, Woods is known to cause trouble every time he comes to town. Whether he’s stealing Peter’s identity or ruining Brian’s television show concept, James Woods is crude, selfish and just plain mean — which always leads to excellent television! Even after a previous episode killed the character off, James Woods has returned and will likely appear in future episodes, creating the same kind of mischief he is usually known for.

*

3. Lemon Breeland from Hart of Dixie.
The seemingly perfect Southern Belle, Lemon may consider herself sweet as pie, but she usually comes across as demanding and conniving. Lemon obsesses over wedding plans and ruling the town of Bluebell, Alabama, in every society group imaginable, often ignoring her own fiance (the handsome lawyer George Tucker) and bullying the new-girl-in-town, Dr. Zoe Hart. From hazing Zoe in an initiation process to forbidding her friends from getting pregnant until she does, Lemon is known for becoming unhinged, especially when she doesn’t get what she wants. Although the show tries to show a more sympathetic side through flashbacks and emotional scenes, Lemon is usually portrayed as difficult to get along with, unauthentic, dramatic and completely unlikable. Don’t let the floral dresses and affected speech fool you — her ‘Mean Girls’ style makes her just as villainous as the rest of them!

4. The Situation from Jersey Shore.
Mike Sorrentino, better known as “The Situation,” has always prided himself on being a tough guy. However, throughout the multiple seasons of Jersey Shore (about five too many!), he has established several different roles and characters for himself. He has briefly been the sweetheart, when he seemed to genuinely have feelings for Sammi in the first season, and he often refers to himself as more of a father figure to the rest of the house, particularly in the second season. Mike has also revealed a more somber side, especially toward the end of his days in Italy, during which he separated himself from the group and lamented the fact that no one liked him. The Situation is known to become violent and manipulative, and often threatens in the confessionals that his evil side is about to come out. Always looking for trouble to stir up, The Situation and his multiple personalities could top this list as all five TV villains.

*

5. Courtney from The Bachelor.
Perhaps my greatest inspiration for writing this post, Courtney is constantly in the middle of feuds with the rest of the girls (although, to be honest, who can blame her? They’re all competing for the same man’s affections), hogging attention with Ben the Bachelor on group dates, and saying things on confessional like “I want to rip her head off and verbally assault her.” This is the only season of The Bachelor that I have actually sat down to watch, but from the very beginning it was easy to see that she was going to be around for a long time. Why? Her presence in the house provides the perfect drama for serious viewers who believe that the show is actually about true love. After all, how could Ben not see through her crazy eyes and the fact that the other girls are so concerned about her behavior? Personally, I love seeing Courtney stick around, because it means we get to see her say or do something else that’s completely insane.

*

Who are your favorite TV villains?

Relationship Dependence: The Blair Waldorf Story

Upon first glance, Blair Waldorf of Gossip Girl may not seem like the perfect role model. After all, toward the beginning of the series, the icy Queen B of the Upper East Side is primarily known for her sinister scheming, her self-centered nature and her lack of regard for the middle class. She wears headbands as a status symbol and holds court with her minions on the steps of the Met.

But as the show progresses, Blair transforms into more than just a not-so-nice It Girl — not only does she show us her vulnerable side, but she reveals an intellectual, ambitious side of herself as well. She applies to Ivy League schools before ultimately attending NYU and Columbia, strives to become a fashion editor-in-chief and interns at a high-profile magazine in the city. Aside from Brooklyn’s Lonely Boy Dan Humphrey, Blair is arguably the only character in the series with real aspirations and a sense of purpose.

The only thing holding her back? Her heavy, often narrow-minded focus on the men in her life, especially during the past two seasons.

Whether it’s her tortured love affair with the nefarious Chuck Bass, her passionless engagement to a European prince, or  her slowly evolving friendship-turned-more with Dan, Blair’s relationships have completely taken over in recent episodes, essentially turning her into a shadow of her former self. Although her character has matured considerably, she has not focused on school or her dreams in more than an entire season. Instead, she regresses to a feeble little girl who depends on her on-again-off-again-boyfriend’s love as her only way to survive.

We’re all allowed to be a little irrational sometimes in the name of love, but when it consumes our lives so much that we have little else to think about, it has become a problem. We start to define ourselves by the relationships we enter rather than the collective experiences we have undergone and the goals we have set. We go from “Queen B” to “Chuck’s Girlfriend,” and we lose sight of our personal dreams and opportunities.

The real Blair Waldorf will stop at nothing to get what she wants… except when Chuck is in her life. This is not to say that we should avoid relationships at all costs or become completely jaded and cynical about love before we turn 30, but we shouldn’t sacrifice every original thought we’ve ever had just so that we can be with someone. Instead, we should pursue relationships with people who are just as ambitious as we are, who are entrenched in their own personal growth as well.

It doesn’t matter if you’re dating the bad boy, the prince, the bookworm, or the lacrosse captain. What matters is that you maintain your sense of self along the way and find someone who will support you even when your goals have nothing to do with the relationship. After all, aren’t you worth the effort?

Happy Valentine’s Day, dear readers! You know you love me. XOXO.

According To The Movies, True Love Is…

In keeping with our romantic comedy theme from yesterday’s post, I thought it would be entertaining to poke fun at some more of the film and television relationships we love. Before I continue, I have to admit that a few of these come from some of my favorite movies, but I love being able laugh about them all. Without further adieu:

According to the movies, true love is…

• Vowing to turn the nerdy girl into a beautiful prom queen until you give her contact lenses and a haircut and then realize she was beautiful all along. (She’s All That)
• Finding the one who will rescue your cat in the rain after you let it out of the car during a tantrum. (Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
• Lying about your age to your English teacher and making him think the girl he’s falling for is a high school senior when you’re actually 25 years old. (Never Been Kissed)
• Trading your girlfriend for a hotel, sleeping with her arch-nemesis, and then asking her to prove her love for you atop the Empire State Building. (Gossip Girl)
• Losing your ability to speak and then realizing that you can still win the prince’s heart with your looks. (The Little Mermaid)
• Getting engaged to your employee to avoid getting deported to Canada and then marrying him anyway because you bonded with his crazy grandmother.  (The Proposal)
• Knowing that your sometimes-enemy and business rival is also your anonymous email pen pal, but still asking her to meet you for a date in the park. (You’ve Got Mail)
• Getting on a boat to Paris with the guy who tried to ship you off there in the first place. (Sabrina)
• Inviting at least 20 young women (mainly account coordinators, dental assistants and aspiring models) to compete for your affections on TV over the course of several weeks and enjoying romantic moments with each before deciding that your “real feelings” are for the girl that audiences hate the most. (The Bachelor)

What has the media taught you about “true love?”

The Margin of Error: Surviving in a Cynical World

“Maybe 99 of 100 people will disappoint you. But I don’t know, I think you find the magic of the world in the margin of error.” – Hart of Dixie

*

The other night, as I sat down to watch my latest guilty pleasure show, Hart of Dixie, I was pleasantly surprised by the heartwarming turn of events (as I seem to be every week). For those who are unfamiliar with the show, Rachel Bilson stars as the cynical and often impersonal Zoe Hart, a New York City-trained doctor who winds up in Bluebell, Alabama. In this week’s episode, Zoe must suspend disbelief when even science gives her a 99 percent chance of being right about a diagnosis that the rest of the town disputes.

Zoe claims that the leftover one percent stands for mere margin of error rather than admitting that sometimes people will prove her wrong. The episode is all about having faith in other people and not letting our past experiences cloud all of our judgments in the future.

Too many of us become jaded in order to protect ourselves from heartbreak and disappointment. If we freeze the world out, we are less likely to be hurt. But we freeze the world out, we close ourselves off to some of the most fulfilling relationships we never knew we had.

Blind trust is a bad thing, but I’m a firm believer in cautious trust — letting others in gradually, allowing them to prove their trustworthiness over time. Ultimately, others will hurt you, but as Lavon Hayes (one of the characters on Hart of Dixie) says, the magic of the world comes in that margin of error, the 1 percent who surprise you and renew your faith in friendship and love and kindness. As difficult as it may be, sometimes we need to shut out our own cynical thoughts and remind ourselves of why the world is so beautiful.

The Friday Five: ANTM Contestants

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I’m a reality TV junkie. I could justify my viewership by saying that I watch the shows for the social commentary, but that wouldn’t be entirely true — as much as I love a good discussion about the underlying themes of reality television, I also love indulging in the guilty pleasure of watching something completely mindless and ridiculous and fun. For example, I’m not exactly an aspiring model, but I have certainly wasted weekends watching America’s Next Top Model marathons.

After years of careful viewing, of course, I’ve started to group the contestants into categories. These categories are even more apparent in this season’s all-star cycle, in which Tyra Banks brings back contestants from past cycles to compete for some epic challenge that escapes my memory. This week, I will report my Top Model findings, which I’ve gotten down to a science. (Feel free to add your own in the comments section below!)

The Friday Five: ANTM Contestants

1. The Girl Who Rests on “Pretty.”
While most of the other contestants have particularly unusual bone structure, this girl is generally the prom queen all grown up, the girl whose looks most viewers would kill for. No matter how proficient she is in modeling, however, she is usually criticized for being “too commercial” and being appropriate only for catalog. This girl may progress somewhat throughout the competition, but she never wins; Tyra & Co. will be sure to dismiss her because of her traditional beauty, but they will claim to do so because they find her too complacent and unadventurous in her film.

*

2. The Real Girl.
(Not to be confused with this kind of Real Girl.) The drama in the house usually originates with this girl. The Real Girl tells it like it is, and while some people find her funny and candid, others butt heads with her early on. As the ANTM-equivalent of The Situation, the Real Girl drives the show’s ratings because of the catty arguments she gets into and the occasional hair-pulling that ultimately ensues. She usually dismisses other members of the house as “fake” and declares herself to be one of the few “real” (if not the only) contestants left.

*

3. The Sweet Southern Girl.
In contrast to the Real Girl, the Sweet Southern Girl means no harm. There’s a fight in the house? She’ll climb up to the top bunk and watch quietly from afar, thank you very much. This girl generally has no enemies and gains a lot of fan favoritism, but her drama-free demeanor usually keeps her from the prize.

*

4. The Quirky Girl.
The Quirky Girl can come in all shapes and sizes, but modeling isn’t usually her first choice of career. Almost always, she has worked behind the camera before, but she usually has a variety of other interests that will completely creep out the other contestants. (Just think of Broken Baby Doll Allison and her hobby of painting people with nosebleeds!) Nevertheless, this girl usually manages to avoid a lot of the drama in the house as well and usually captures our interest for at least a few episodes. A subcategory of Quirky Girl is Androgynous Girl, a trait that Tyra constantly claims to value but usually doesn’t keep around in the competition for long.

*

5. The Girl With A Platform.
The Girl With A Platform may come into the competition wanting to become a high fashion model and build her portfolio, but she has another goal in mind as well — raise awareness of a social or health issue so that viewers will notice. Sometimes the girls are edited this way, but Tyra is a sucker for a Girl With A Platform and will keep her around for as long as possible (regardless of total performance in the competition). Whether this girl differentiates herself by her weight, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status or other trait she believes defines her, viewers will constantly see her in the confessionals talking about how much the trait impacts her life.

*

What categories of contestants do you often notice on America’s Next Top Model?