The Weekend Five: Rules of Text Message Etiquette

As someone whose friends have referred to as both resident expert of cordiality and queen of cordiality, I would like to take this week to discuss an etiquette issue very near and dear to my heart: text message etiquette. When I received my first cell phone in 2005, I was a reluctant texter. Over time, however, I learned that while nothing can ever truly replace the human voice (unless you talk like Fran Drescher), texting is a quick and convenient way to communicate with others.

Of course, there are a few unspoken rules when it comes to proper texting etiquette. This week, we’ll dive into five of these rules and how to avoid breaking them.

The Weekend Five: Rules of Text Message Etiquette

1. Return text messages in a timely fashion.
Boys, I hate to stereotype, but according to my informal research (ie: conversations with friends) you guys tend to be the biggest culprits. This rule goes for everybody: when you are in a text conversation with someone you like (romantically or otherwise) or need to speak with, keep the conversation flowing. Don’t leave the recipient waiting for hours for a response – it’s like the modern-day equivalent of leaving a girl to wait for the phone to ring on a Saturday night. Respond in a timely manner; it is the polite thing to do.

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2. If someone stops texting you, don’t keep texting them.
If someone has stopped texting you, chances are it is either because they are busy or because they don’t wish to speak with you. By texting someone continuously who does not respond, you are setting yourself to look like a crazy person! Don’t flood a friend’s inbox with texts just because you are lonely. If this person is avoiding you, then an inundation of texts will make you seem like you have stalker tendencies.

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3. Don’t go overboard with emoticons.
My special formula is this: no more than one emoticon per every three text messages. It isn’t fool proof, but it makes sense. If you don’t know the person well but are interested in dating or getting to know them, sending a barrage of emoticons may seem a little overeager. There are exceptions to the rule – my boyfriend and I have always used them rather liberally – but your usage may depend on what the other person is sending you.

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4. “K.” is the Kiss of Death.
Use “K.” with caution. If you are annoyed with someone and really want them to know it, a simple “k.” will do the trick. This one little letter is enough to create all the tension in the world and show the person that you are mad. Sending a “K.” usually ends the conversation (and could potentially end the entire relationship!), so tread carefully and don’t use it unless you really mean it.

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5. You can’t text message break-up.
I believe Kelly said it best. (You might as well send someone a “K.”)

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Readers, what are your major rules on text message etiquette?

Spoiler Alert: Episode Guide to the (Completely Fake) 10th Season of “The Bachelorette”

Season 9 of The Bachelorette premiered last night, and with it came all of the show’s usual tropes. Although I haven’t been a long-time viewer of these reality dating shows (I’ve seen one other season of The Bachelorette and the past two seasons of The Bachelor, which are more than enough!), I have picked up on some of these shows’ patterns over time.

six Because of this, I would like to present a full episode-by-episode guide of the not-yet-filmed, not-yet-announced Season 10 of The Bachelorette, based entirely on my own predictions. Please be aware that the article you are about to read may or may not contain some serious spoilers! Enjoy!

WEEK ONE
Meet Kacie B, an administrative assistant from Tennessee. You may recognize her from Seasons 16 and 17 of The Bachelor, in which she gave her heart to a handsome stranger but was sent home without a rose. What you may not know was that she made her next appearance on Season 18 of The Bachelor in 2014, where she declared her love for magician/custom clothier Nick Roy of Season 9, but was once again rejected. This time, it’s Kacie’s turn to find love. Kacie spends the bulk of the episode using the words “love,” “marriage” and “fairytale ending” (Don’t believe me? Make it a drinking game!). Cue footage of Kacie doing adorable things, like baton twirling and gazing soulfully into sunsets. Twenty-five eligible bachelors arrive at the mansion, introducing themselves to Kacie in the most ridiculous ways possible. At the rose ceremony, Kacie sends home some of tonight’s goofier personalities (read: the six guys with the least impressive abs). Each man proceeds to tear up as he tells the camera crew that this was his only shot at love.

WEEK TWO
The 19 remaining men begin to interact with one another in the house, and cliques are formed. Johnny, the investment banker from Chicago, has a particular hatred for Hayden, a much richer investment banker from Chicago, which becomes increasingly apparent throughout the episode. Hayden emerges as the Season 10 villain. Kacie goes for a helicopter ride followed by a picnic in a cave with Travis the ski instructor, and offers him a rose after they discuss, in vague terms, what “love” really means. Kacie then brings 12 of the other men on a group date at the mall, where they must demonstrate how perfectly they will be able to carry her bags and pay for her things. She offers the rose to Hayden, much to the chagrin of the other young men. (Johnny is noticeably absent from the group date.) The next evening at the cocktail party, she enjoys a few more vague conversations, before heading out to the rose ceremony. During the ceremony, Kacie sends home four more eligible bachelors: two advertising executives, an investment banker and an exotic animal farmer.

WEEK THREE
The episode begins with a two-on-one date – Kacie invites Jacob, a contractor, and Edward, an entrepreneur, out to the woods to set up camp and make s’mores. Edward reveals that he had a divorce two years ago, but that he is ready for love. Kacie sends Jacob home for his inability to “open up,” and offers the rose to Edward. For the group date, 10 of the men are invited to compete against one another in a cage fight, refereed by Kacie as they “fight for her heart.” Chris C., a bodybuilder, wins the rose. Kacie then invites Mark, an investment banker, to a country music concert amidst a fake audience, set up entirely for the show. Kacie and Mark share their first kiss under fireworks (of course), and she offers him the rose even though they haven’t really talked much. At the rose ceremony, Kacie tells the men that she is confident that her future husband is in the room. From afar, Chris Harrison sighs, knowing deep down that he is not the man she is talking about. She then eliminates three men: a personal trainer, a sports marketing executive and an investment banker. The group has been whittled down to 11 contestants.

WEEK FOUR
Hayden receives a one-on-one date. Johnny is livid, and feels the need to tell everybody. “She doesn’t see that side of him that we see!” he exclaims, the other men nodding in agreement. Hayden charms Kacie on the one-on-one, reading a letter he wrote for her about the qualities he looks for in a woman (although none of these have been officially established in Kacie yet). Kacie offers him the rose. Now Johnny is even more livid. On the group date, the men help Kacie as she balances her checkbook. Chris R., an accountant, receives the rose. During the cocktail party, Mark steals Kacie away to kiss her, but little do they know that Johnny is lurking in the shadows. Later in the night, Johnny pulls Kacie away to inform her that not all of the guys in the house are being 100 percent genuine with her. Kacie expresses her confusion to the camera crew, stating that Johnny had seemed so nice but that she can’t deal with a snitch. In the final rose ceremony, she sends home Xander the undertaker. She gives Johnny the rose, but tells him he is on thin ice.

WEEK FIVE
The contestants travel to a private Caribbean island, where Kacie solely wears bikinis and maxi skirts. Kacie invites Caden, a telemarketer, and Chris L., a professional square-dancer, on a two-on-one date on a boat, where she proceeds to send Caden home for having a ridiculous name. Chris L. receives the rose. Before the group date can proceed, Chris Harrison shows up at Kacie’s hotel room and informs her that Edward is still married. Edward’s wife shows up at the contestants’ suite, demanding to know what he has been doing for the past month and why he never brought home her dry cleaning. Edward is kicked off of the show, and Kacie cries that she may never trust anyone again. She decides not to attend her group date that evening, and instead does a little soul-searching until the final cocktail party. That night, she apologizes to the men and to herself for losing sight of what love is really about, and she pursues one-on-one time with each of the men. At the final rose ceremony, she eliminates Blake the alchemist after deciding she’s not a huge fan of magic.

WEEK SIX
The group travels to a lesser known country in Eastern Europe. Kacie takes Johnny on his first one-on-one date, where she explains some love-related ritual native to that country, and they spend the rest of the day walking around on the cobblestone in evening attire. Johnny talks about his dysfunctional family and explains that his childhood is what made him who he is, and Kacie gives him the rose as a reward for opening up about his past. Johnny tells the camera crews that he is in love with Kacie. On the group date, the men learn a dance that is indigenous to the region they are in, and they must perform it for Kacie. Kacie gives the rose to Mark. At the final rose ceremony, she sends home Finn the yoga instructor, who hasn’t received enough airtime to be interesting at this point.

WEEK SEVEN
The contestants have made their way to an island in the Pacific. Hayden has begun to pick fights with the other contestants, stating that he doesn’t want to become friends with any of them, while hinting that he may have a shot at becoming the next Bachelor. Kacie invites Mark on another one-on-one date, where they kiss on the beach and build sandcastles. Kacie tells the camera crew that Mark is a great kisser. The two talk about the importance of love in a marriage, and she offers him the rose. Kacie then invites Hayden and Johnny on a two-on-one date, where they take surfing lessons and learn to “ride the waves of love.” Kacie sends Johnny home after noticing his competitive streak with Hayden. Johnny cries to the cameras that he will never love this way again. Kacie and Chris C. go on a one-on-one date, where they dance with the locals and eat a meal specially prepared for them. Chris C. confides in Kacie that she needs to be careful with Hayden because he isn’t who he says he is. Kacie wonders if she made a mistake. She offers the rose to Chris C. and eliminates Chris L. in the final rose ceremony because she forgot he was still there.

WEEK EIGHT
The group travels to Alaska. On the one-on-one date, Kacie and Chris R. talk about family values while making snow angels. Kacie decides that she has a real connection with Chris R., and offers him the rose. Kacie forgoes the group date and goes on one additional one-on-one date with Travis, who (like Chris C.) warns her about Hayden’s motives. She thinks that she could have attractive babies with Travis, so she offers him the rose. Later, Hayden parades around the hotel with a bouquet of roses, pretending he is the next Bachelor. Suspicious of what she’s heard, Kacie shows up at the boys’ hotel room and is shocked when she walks in on Hayden standing in front of a mirror, asking his reflection, “Will you accept this rose?” She immediately sends him home, then cries to the camera that there are no good men left. The rose ceremony is canceled, and the remaining men are safe.

WEEK NINE
Time for hometown dates! Kacie visits Mark in Arizona, where his family welcomes her with open arms. They admit that Mark hasn’t brought a lot of girls home in the past, possibly because he hasn’t been serious enough about any of them. Kacie questions whether or not Mark is serious about her, but then he tells her he loves her. Kacie then travels to Georgia to meet Chris R.’s family, who is very conservative but accepting of the relationship. In Florida, Kacie meets Chris C.’s family, all of whom like to pad his ego by showing off his bodybuilding and sports trophies; however, they are very vocal about their disapproval when it comes to their son being on the show. Finally, in New York, Kacie meets Travis’ siblings (his parents are out of town for a cult meeting), and his brother tells Kacie that she would be perfect for Travis. At the final rose ceremony, Kacie sends Chris C. home.

WEEK TEN
The group travels to another private island in the Caribbean. During one-on-one dates, Kacie discusses the meaning of love and marriage in abstract terms for the umpteenth time with each of the men. She invites each to the fantasy suite after hearing some form of declaration of love. At the final rose ceremony, Kacie eliminates Chris R. for not opening up enough.

WEEK ELEVEN
Kacie grins as she tells the cameras she can’t wait to buy a wedding dress and start having babies. Product placement ensues as Travis and Mark are each shown separately picking out Neil Lane engagement rings. Kacie introduces each man separately to her parents, who have a hotel suite out here and still disapprove of her being on television. They refuse to give their support to either contestant. Kacie cries to the producers that she is falling for two men, and that she doesn’t know what to do. After a night of rest and staring at their framed photos, however, she gains clarity and in her voiceover, she states that she now knows which man she wants to be with. Travis talks about the meaning of love and states that Kacie would be the perfect wife, then proposes to her. She turns him down because she fears he might not open up enough in the future. Then Mark talks about how Kacie has made his life meaningful, and proposes to her. She rejects him as well, because she fears that the only thing they have in common is that they are physically attracted to each other. Chris Harrison then walks out, asking Kacie what she plans to do next. Kacie bends down on one knee, then tells Chris she wants to marry him. The two ride ride happily into the sunset on a white horse.

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Sorry for the spoilers! Hope you enjoyed!

Link Love Wednesday: Soviet Playgrounds, Nutella and More!

Photo Credit: Mental Floss

With a new week comes a slew of new articles, some more terrifying than others! This week, Mental Floss unveiled photos of 11 horrifying Soviet playgrounds, which have probably ruined many a childhood and will keep you from going to sleep tonight. (You’re welcome.) Let’s take a look at this week’s round-up!

• In memory of writer and director Nora Ephron (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail… all of your favorite romantic comedies), who passed away last year, PR Daily published some of her best quotes from the years. If you’re a writer or a fan of her movies, take a look at these quotes for some inspiration.
• Looking for an inexpensive way to spend time with your significant other? This date night jar has some cute ideas, and you can always customize it!
• Ever wanted to use a really great comeback, while still remaining true to your Disney roots? Now you can! My favorite comeback on this list is probably “Gaston, you are positively primeval.” I hope that someday I can use that one on someone! (Want more Disney articles? Click here.)
• The Office aired its series finale on Thursday last week, an episode that nearly brought me and several of my friends to tears. My mom forwarded me this Huffington Post article that does a beautiful job of exploring the episode’s themes and its best quotes.
• Nutella may have narrowly avoided a PR scandal after some legal retaliation to the fan-created Nutella Day. Luckily, it seems like your favorite chocolate/hazelnut spread is safe!
• Jann Wenner, co-founder of Rolling Stone, recently promoted his 22-year-old son to run the publication’s website. Nepotism or no? Check out his interview with Adweek about his son’s role in the company throughout his life.

What are some interesting articles you’ve stumbled upon this week?

The Weekend Five: Facebook Posts from a Graduating Senior

As I’ve mentioned in my four most recent blog posts, I am officially a college graduate! Of course, this means that hundreds of my nearest and dearest acquaintances are also now college graduates, proudly announcing this accomplishment through the platform we love best – social media. Throughout the month of May, my Facebook news feed has been teeming with posts revolving around graduation, new jobs and above all, the “memories.”

For every graduating senior, there are five Facebook posts to look out for on your own news feed. If you haven’t posted at least one of these yourself, then you are probably doing something wrong!

The Weekend Five: Facebook Posts from a Graduating Senior

1. “I need an extra ticket to Saturday’s graduation ceremony. Help!”
These statuses are everywhere and they are by far my least favorite! Because some universities limit the number of guest tickets that students can receive for commencement, students from big families or with a lot of supporters tend to posts these statuses within the month leading up to graduation. After a while, I stopped reading notifications from certain groups I belonged to on Facebook because I knew they would consist solely of ticket requests. (Besides, if I actually had extra tickets, don’t you think I would have used them to take additional family members, friends or my boyfriend to graduation?)

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2. “I picked up my cap and gown! It feels so surreal.”
Sure, we wore them at our high school graduations, but picking up our graduation gear in college seems so much more important. Once you have that enormous gown and the mortar board cap, you’re pretty much ready for that diploma. Naturally, of course, at least 20 of your friends will feel the need to post something about it, so get ready!

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3. Nostalgic status about the past four years.
Whether this person decided to repost photos from freshman year or recap the past four years through an incredibly long Facebook status, you’re bound to find plenty of nostalgia on social media in May. Facebook becomes an incredibly bittersweet place where we can gush about the best four years of our lives and the amazing friends we made and all the opportunities that brought us to this very moment. (Believe it or not, in spite of the profound effect that college had on me, I still haven’t quite posted my obligatory nostalgic status about the good old days. I’ll have to work on it!)

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4. Congratulatory posts from friends and family of graduates.
Let’s not forget about your friends who aren’t graduating! Those friends will mainly be posting congratulatory statuses and perhaps photos with someone they know who graduated, but they are just as wrapped up in the Facebook madness as those who have graduated. Usually with great achievements come great support, so look out for those tagged posts on your news feed as well.

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5. Photos of everyone in front of the same buildings and university landmarks.
As much as I enjoyed taking my graduation photos, I’ll admit that plenty of them had cliché written all over them, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! At every university, there are certain iconic buildings and landmarks that everyone will want to take a photo next to, so prepare yourself for multiple pictures with the same exact backgrounds. At my university, we are only allowed to set foot in the pond outside the library during Homecoming, so naturally I (and everyone else I knew) had to take pictures standing in the pond in my cap after I was finished with graduation!

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What sort of posts have you come to expect from graduating seniors?

The Weekend Five: Alternative Job Choices

Tomorrow I will embark on the first day of my career, and I am extremely excited to begin working full-time in a job that relates closely to my Bachelor’s degree. In the past, I have discussed my earlier struggles with selecting an undergraduate major and career path, but when I talked about the roads I didn’t take (psychologist/teacher/journalist/anthropologist/etc.), I may have left a few out!

This week’s post will dive further into some of those alternative career choices I decided to forgo, some of which may even inspire you! Feel free to include your own in the comments section below.

The Weekend Five: Alternative Job Choices

1. Camera crew member for The Bachelor.
I love to work behind the camera – why not transfer that passion to the small screen? As a camera crew member on The Bachelor, my main purpose would be to film pensive scenes of the bachelor du jour as he skips rocks across a nearby lake, runs on a treadmill and watches the sunset while hoping to meet his future wife. I would also have the opportunity to interview women with too much Botox as they simultaneously complain about other women in the house and pine for a man with whom they have been on two group dates. It’s just like high school all over again (minus the Botox)!

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2. The Bachelorette.
After spending sufficient time behind the scenes of The Bachelor, I could easily get my foot in the door for my own chance at “love” on national television by becoming The Bachelorette.  Not only would I have access to unlimited evening dresses, but I would be able to discuss superficial topics with guys from all over the country while we fly in a helicopter over some beautiful canyon or glacier. If anything, this job would allow me to put my passport to good use!

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3. Macklemore’s personal shopper.
Imagine getting paid to run around through thrift stores and pick out quirky, vintage clothing and accessories. Wouldn’t you feel pretty “pumped up” about the situation? I would have so much fun sifting through garments and putting together crazy outfit combinations so that Mackemore could go and get some compliments.

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4. Voice recording for 1-800 numbers.
For some strange reason, I really enjoy talking in a somewhat robotic telephone voice. I can still imitate the automated phone messages that my high school used to send my parents if my sister or I were marked absent in any of our classes. If that isn’t reason enough to hire me for this type of position, then I don’t know what is.

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5. A “source” for the tabloids.
I always wonder who these “sources” really are, and why they would spill secrets to the tabloids if they were really the celebrity’s “friend.” Although I don’t keep up with celebrity gossip in the way that I used to, I still occasionally will peek at the trashy magazines in the grocery stores. Every time I read a quote from a “source,” however, I take their words with a grain of salt because that unnamed source could be anybody: the garbageman who drives by the celebrity’s house twice a week, the waitress that served the celebrity once, some guy who has the same last name as the celebrity… So really, if anyone can do it, why can’t I? It would be like a fun exercise in fiction writing, and perhaps a stepping stone to my eventual career as an author.

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What are some of your weird “alternative” jobs?

Link Love Wednesday: Graduation Edition

I graduated from college on Saturday (look out for an upcoming post about it!), and as I prepare to begin my first full-time job next week, I look forward to a lot of the changes I am about to experience. Of course, with every monumental life event comes at least a twinge of nostalgia, and I can credit my university for giving me the best four years of my life thus far.

Some of this week’s articles and links are geared toward graduating seniors in particular, while others are merely meant to make you think or smile. What have you been reading lately?

• Have you secured a job for after graduation? Mashable composed this list of digital skills every college graduate/liberal art major should know in order to stand out in the job market.
• A lot will change between your freshman and senior years of college! BuzzFeed lists some of those major changes, complete with animated GIFs. (I especially like the one about going out to bars.)
• The ladies at We’re Calling Shenanigans shared a delicious black bean salsa recipe that I’m just aching to try!
• According to PR Daily, “awesome” is the most overused word. Find out why.
• Virgin is now rolling out a new in-flight flirting feature that allows passengers to send drinks and food to other passengers on board. (No Mile High Club jokes, please!)
• Did you know that Mavis Beacon was never actually a real person? My heart was broken when I heard the news! Cracked.com shared a list of five “famous people” who never truly existed, and a few of those shocked me.
• The month of May may have been named after the goddess Maia, but its origins are still up for debate.
• What does a week of groceries look like for families around the world? (Hint: Very differently in Chad.) Check out these photos for an interesting look into the lifestyles of families across cultures.
• This video outlines everything wrong with The Room in just eight minutes. My friend Robert sent this to me and I could not stop laughing! If you’re an ironic fan of the movie, you will love this video.

Enjoy this week’s link love, and feel free to share your own favorites in the comments section below!

The Weekend Five: Worst Boyfriends in Literature

In the past, we’ve talked about our tendency to fall in love with fictional characters, regardless of how unrealistic our attachments to them really are. During my childhood, for example, I was especially enamored with The Fonz from Happy Days and Ricky Ricardo on I Love Lucy – both of whom were around way before my time. Today, in the era of fanfiction and copious film adaptations, it seems that more and more people have developed feelings for fictional characters, especially those in literature. (Ladies, does the name “Mr. Darcy” ring any bells?)

This week, we’ll talk about some of the literary male characters you shouldn’t fall madly in love with. These are some of the men in literature who would ultimately make the worst boyfriends/husbands.

The Weekend Five: Worst Boyfriends in Literature

1. Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë).Before you say anything, I know… I talk way too much about Heathcliff on this blog. That’s because this brooding gypsy from the wrong side of the tracks is a magnet for drama, especially of the romantic kind. When the woman he loves marries a man of a higher station than his own, Heathcliff retaliates by marrying the man’s sister and ultimately becomes emotionally abusive and manipulative. There’s a lot more to the story than that, but would you really want to be with someone who treats everyone in his life poorly and is still obsessed with a relationship that never worked out?

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2. Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James).
We could sit around all day and try to figure out what exactly constitutes this series as literature, but let’s face facts: Christian Grey is not the guy you want to date. Sure, he’s handsome and wealthy, and he has a penchant for saying things like “Laters baby,” but when it comes down to it, he’s extremely controlling and emotionally fragile. He purchases an entire company in order to secure a job for the girl he loves (against her wishes, by the way), and when she tries to end things with him, he basically stalks her until she gives up and decides to give the relationship another shot. Let’s also not forget that he has a pretty rough past that clearly affects the way he treats women. (The part that saddens me is that a lot of girls still think of him as a sort of Prince Charming, even if he’s kind of the opposite.)

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3. Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë).
At first, life with this man seems perfectly fine. But then you start to show signs that you’re a little crazy, and he decides to lock you in the attic. Then he has the nerve to start seeing someone else? Just say no to this one.

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4. Edward Cullen (Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer).
First of all, Edward Cullen is more than 100 years old. He may look like he’s 17 (or closer to 25), but don’t let his non-aging fool you. Hint: If a guy warns you repeatedly against being with him, you probably shouldn’t be with him. To maintain a relationship with this vampire means giving up any ambitions you ever had, and remaining completely stuck in your teen years forever. It also means that you’ll be dating someone who might be able to read your mind (scary) and who sparkles in the sun (also scary).

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5. Harry Potter (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling).
Throughout seven books and eight films, The Boy Who Lived is the king of angst – and for good reason. He’s a great guy, but Harry Potter simply does not have time for a relationship. Between hunting down horcruxes and trying not to get killed by Voldemort every year, Harry barely ever has time to take his final exams, let alone wine and dine anyone who isn’t an active member of the Order. Even when he and Ginny Weasley first dated, Harry broke things off because it just wasn’t “safe” for her. (And who can blame him? Anyone who tries to get close to Harry is just setting themselves up to become Voldemort-bait.) If you’re looking for a romance in Hogwarts, try a lesser-known character in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, because then you’re more likely to avoid being kidnapped by a Death Eater or possessed by an old diary.

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Readers: Who are your literary crushes, and which literary boyfriends could you do without?

The Weekend Five: Things That Pop Culture Taught Me to Expect About Falling in Love

As Valentine’s Day looms dangerously close by, we begin to think more and more about love and relationships based on our current frames of reference. Even if you have a significant other, you might still be a sucker for  cheesy romantic comedies, and this could potentially affect your own beliefs about what “love” really looks like. In my own life, pop culture has played its role in shaping my expectations, for better or for worse.

In honor of Singles Awareness Day/Valentine’s Day (depending, of course, on your relationship status and/or feelings about Hallmark), I would like to present the five things that pop culture taught me to expect in the world of relationships.

The Weekend Five: Things That Pop Culture Taught Me to Expect About Falling in Love

1. Every social encounter is a potential meet-cute.
It doesn’t matter where you are or why you’re there; any time you meet someone of the desired gender, you have the chance to find real love. This allows you to turn an awkward situation, such as running into each other and dropping all of your belongings on the ground, into something more meaningful. If your eyes meet for more than a few seconds as you laugh and help each other to pick up your things, it’s a sign of good things to come — and if your hands brush against theirs, it’s obvious that you’re soulmates. You can apply similar logic to other situations as well: meeting someone at a bar, admiring the same painting in an art gallery, reaching for the same book in a library. It doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t see all of this as reason to exchange numbers or break up with their current significant other; as long as you keep your mind open, any moment can become a meet-cute.

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2. The one who has been around the longest is the one you’ll end up with.“I’ve been right here in front of you the entire time!” the romantic female lead exclaims as she plants herself in her male best friend’s doorway. “I was here all along!” This rule can go two ways: either you will end up with your best friend, or you will end up with the person whom you met in the very first episode (a la Carrie/Mr. Big) of Your Love Life. Either way, longevity will trump all else in the game of love.

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3. If all else fails, you can broadcast your search for love to the entire world.
By becoming the next Bachelor or Bachelorette on ABC, you will not only have countless attractive dental assistants and entrepreneurs of ambiguous backgrounds vying for your attention, but you will also have access to an unlimited wardrobe of evening wear. Falling in love on television is totally genuine and foolproof; even if you don’t end up married later down the road, you are at least contractually obligated to get an engagement out of it, and your entire courtship will be littered with poorly disguised metaphors. Who wouldn’t want that?

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4. Your relationship will have its own montage.
Every memorable moment that has led up to your declaration of love will flash before your eyes. This montage will be relatively short – no more than three minutes – but will highlight your relationship’s “Best Of” moments. This also happens when you aren’t in a relationship but considering confessing your feelings for someone with whom you’ve developed a close friendship. This montage is a mental one, so don’t be creepy and put anything together in iMovie.

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5. Your relationship will be scored by a mix of 1980s love songs and modern indie music.
I always imagined that The Glory of Love by Peter Cetera would start playing the moment I realized I’d found “The One” (okay, maybe not always, but at least since I watched last season of The Bachelorette). The truth is, if pop culture has taught us anything, it’s that our relationships will take up entire soundtracks – and bands like Foreigner, Death Cab for Cutie and Sparklehorse will be the main attractions. Our relationships will consist of sweet if not slightly poppy melodies, smarmy songs that came out the year before we were born and a few songs by obscure bands we’ve never heard of. Get your iTunes ready.

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What are some of the things that pop culture has taught you to expect about falling in love?

The Weekend Five: Steps For Writing The Summary of a Romance Novel

Like many other young women my age, I’m not immune to the charms of a guilty beach read every so often. I may like to poke fun at romance novels, but I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey or any of its sequels. (Of course, I do like to pair these types of books with classical literature just for some healthy balance.) When my mom and I visit bookstores, we often go straight to the romance section to read and laugh at the books’ summaries, and over the years, we have picked up on a few key patterns in each of these books. Take a look at the list and see if there are any that you’ve noticed as well!

The Weekend Five: Steps For Writing The Summary of a Romance Novel

1. Give your characters bizarre, complicated or slightly exotic names.
Where is the fun in reading a story about someone named Mary Smith? In the novel I Was A Vampire Wedding Planner, some of the appropriate character names include Renaldi D’Aria, Katya Stern, Rex Fontainebleu, and Eden Lockhart. You can also create characters with interesting family titles, such as Adam Faramond, Earl of Rothbury, who is referred to by literally every combination of names. Make sure you include at least three of these character names in your summary so that the reader is aware of how serious this romance novel really is.

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2. Use phrases like “unbridled passion that matches his own.”
The more you allude to the fact that the book is teeming with sexual tension, the better. In fact, four out of five housewives in America recommend these books for exactly that reason. Why not take advantage of that in the book’s summary?

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3. Create a convoluted love story.
Love is never easy. In romance novels, nobody meets at the grocery store and has a regular courtship. The summary should discuss unwanted suitors, a male and female lead who seemingly hate each other, crazy inheritances, the requests of older relatives and more. Try to throw in as many subplots as possible as an added bonus.

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4. Be descriptive. Very descriptive.
This one is self-explanatory. Who says that you should save all the details for the book itself? Include them in the summary first so the reader knows exactly what he or she is dealing with!

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5. Setting is everything.
And in the world of romance novels, there are really only three major settings: Victorian era, the Wild Wild West and supernatural worlds (or our world, but with supernatural characters). You could also consider using a combination of the three to include vampires running around Victorian London with cowboys, but this may confuse your reader, who is usually only accustomed to one of these three.

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What are some of your favorites?

The Weekend Five: Unhealthy Relationships on Television

As busy as I may be throughout the semester, I happen to be an avid TV viewer. I’m not ashamed of my silly television habits, and many readers will note that I love to discuss some of the fictional (and non-fictional!) characters in relation to my beliefs about dating, ambition and more. Today’s blog focuses on the less healthy relationships that have been recently portrayed on television, some of which are fan favorites, and my thoughts on each pairing. Enjoy!

The Weekend Five: Unhealthy Relationships on Television

1. Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.
Don’t get me wrong… I used to love this couple (when I was seventeen). When the show first planted the idea of Blair, the scheming Queen B of the Upper East Side, and Chuck, the wealthy and womanizing bad boy, a part of me thought that the pairing was just crazy enough to work out. I enjoyed watching as their relationship developed, with both characters struggling to admit their true feelings for one another, but after the second season or so, things took a turn for the crazy. Chuck traded Blair for a hotel, hooked up with a character’s younger sister on the night he planned to propose, and even became physically abusive to Blair, who ultimately married and divorced a Monaguesque prince. A relationship this rocky is not worth the time or heartache; in fact, both characters thrive when they aren’t together. Personally, I believe that Chuck needs to go through a ton of rehab, and that Blair is much better off with Dan Humphrey, her best friend and intellectual equal. (As a couple, Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodsen are a close second for unhealthy couples!)

2. Ryan Howard and Kelly Kapoor from The Office.This couple was hilarious to watch throughout the show’s run, but definitely not a “healthy” relationship. Kelly herself was one of my favorite characters while she was still on the show, probably because of her knack for the dramatic (ie: faking pregnancy or swallowing a tapeworm to lose weight), and Ryan’s pretentious behavior was enough to make you love to hate him. While Kelly constantly latched on to Ryan, Ryan only showed enough interest to keep her around. In fact, when Kelly moves to Miami, Ohio, with her new pediatrician boyfriend, Ryan moves there as well (seemingly to get her back). In real life, this kind of relationship would be troublesome, but on the small screen, Kelly and Ryan are one of the most entertaining unhealthy couples to watch.

3. Belle and Rumplestiltskin from Once Upon a Time.
Okay, let me start out by saying that I really am pulling for these two to end up together. I think Belle is exactly what Mr. Gold/Rumplestiltskin needs to stay grounded and not let his powers overcome him. However, in its current state, the relationship could arguably use some improving. While Belle remains supportive of Rumplestiltskin and committed to making him a better man, Rumplestiltskin struggles to put his love for her in front of everything else. Once he finally changes for the better and isn’t so obsessed with making deals with every single fairy tale character who ever existed, I believe that he and Belle will make a great couple.

4. President Fitzgerald Grant and Olivia Pope from Scandal.
Olivia Pope, the former communications director for the White House, has an affair with Fitzgerald Grant during his presidential campaign and long afterward. Although the President is married to someone else and expecting his third or fourth child, he just can’t quit Olivia. The two are so drawn to each other (although, to this day, I’m unclear on why) that every scene between them is extremely emotional and intense. Every time Olivia tries to break things off, Fitz does something crazy to win her back – for example, having his Secret Service men kidnap Liv in the woods so the two of them can have some alone time. His need to be with Olivia borders on controlling, and the fact that their relationship must be kept secret is enough to make it unhealthy. (Don’t forget – his wife is pregnant!)

5. Victoria Henley and her mother from Cycle 19 of America’s Next Top Model.
As a huge fan of Top Model, I couldn’t let this one slip by! Victoria is a homeschooled girl who now attends online college, and she has never really been apart from her mother. Immediately in the season, she talks about her devotion to her mother, as well as the idea that she never wants to pursue a romantic relationship with a guy in the foreseeable future because her relationship with her mother is fulfilling enough. Now, I love my Mom and talk to her about nearly everything, but Victoria takes it to a whole new level, crying out “Momma!” and bursting into tears every time she rings up her mother on the phone. This attachment is a little scary, considering this girl is getting into her twenties and hasn’t formed a relationship of any kind with anyone else.

What TV relationships do you think are the most unhealthy?